<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I don't keep my personal here by Serinah</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26540692">I don't keep my personal here</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serinah/pseuds/Serinah'>Serinah</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Suits (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Feels, Episode Related, Feels, Friendship/Love, Getting Together, Loyalty, M/M, Male Friendship, Minor Dana Scott/Harvey Specter, Minor Mike Ross/Rachel Zane, POV Harvey Specter, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:55:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,519</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26540692</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serinah/pseuds/Serinah</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Mike seeks relationship advice, gets arrested and Harvey pines a lot.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>A rewrite of episodes 10 and 16 in season 3, but I'm mostly sure you can read it without remembering the episodes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mike Ross/Harvey Specter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>96</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I don't keep my personal here</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>IDK if anyone even reads Suits any more but I just saw it recently and loved the relationship between those two.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, you look like shit,” Harvey says as he’s opening his apartment door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s lying. Mike always looks adorable, but that isn’t something Harvey can ever tell him without sarcasm. Or at all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was up all night.” Without standing on ceremony, Mike walks right in. “I couldn’t sleep.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you I didn’t need anything on Tanner yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Travis Tanner is the most dishonest lawyer Harvey has ever seen, and getting some dirt on him seems to be the only way they could hope to win. It’s not worth sacrificing Mike's sleep yet though.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not here to talk about Tanner," Mike negates Harvey's vague wish to tell him to take the day off and wrap him in a blanket, "or the lawsuit for the merger, I just…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He trails off and Harvey needs to reassess. Mike doesn’t just look sleep-deprived, he looks anxious. What could’ve happened? They walk further into the apartment and Mike pinches the bridge of his nose as if he has a headache.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanna know, how you do it?” he asks, turning to look at Harvey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A cold knot forms at the pit of Harvey’s stomach. “How do I do what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not let people in.” Mike shakes his head, his gaze grim, almost judgemental. “I need to know,” he demands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a split second silence and Harvey is indecisive about what to say for a nanosecond longer than usual. His mouth takes over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t know what I do and don't do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Screw you, he wants to add. Confusion is interrupting with his logic. Harvey has no idea what Mike thinks he’s done. Why did he come here, throwing around accusations like that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What I know,” Mike goes on, “is that you seem to have relationships again and again, and they don’t eat you up, or spit you out, or seem to affect you at all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right. Well, Harvey has known that Mike doesn’t understand. The look he’s giving Harvey now clearly says what he thinks of him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have a picture of Dorian Grey hanging in my closet,” Harvey jokes, trying to not give in to the anger simmering in his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not funny,” Mike bites out and turns away, dismissively.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not joking,” Havey rallies, starting to lose his self-control. “I’m trying to get you to leave, so I could have my morning without you judging me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The knot in his stomach grows, solidified. Here it is. The truth of what Mike still obviously thinks of Harvey — that he’s this cold, calculating bastard of a lawyer. Slightly better than Tanner but still not human enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey,” Mike interrupts his bitter thoughts, “I’m not judging you, all right? I-I’m just… I just need to know what your mindset is.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Despite the words, he still sounds almost demanding, as if Harvey’s feelings are Mike’s right as if—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mindset is — I don’t talk about it. I don’t want to talk about it.” Harvey can’t look Mike in the eye anymore, so he walks right past him towards the French windows. “I keep my personal here and my business over there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey has no idea what more he can tell Mike, so he falls quiet and looks outside.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m happy that’s working for you,” Mike says meanwhile, still a tad condescending. Or maybe just irritated. “But it doesn’t seem to be working for me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit, Harvey suddenly realizes. It’s not even about him, it’s about Rachel. Harvey’s heart gives an unpleasant lurch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wasn't giving you advice,” he says. The weather seems disgustingly cheerful, so Harvey tells himself that he hates the breeze and closes the French windows. “I was just answering your question," he adds, hoping Mike would give up and just go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s got no interest in hearing Mike’s latest girlfriend problems. Mike clearly isn’t out there to score, he’s putting his heart out there and that isn’t something Harvey has a lot of experience in, even if he would want to help Mike in this. Which he doesn't. “You want advice, call Dr. Phil.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He puts his jacket on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey, I’m not trying to attack you here, okay?” Mike gestures placatingly. “I’m struggling with something. I just… I’m trying to get your take on it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey finishes putting on his jacket and pauses as if in thought, but there isn't anything he really wants to say except fuck you, Rachel, and that’s just unkind. And definitely unhelpful.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’m not trying to be defensive," Harvey says truthfully. "I’m just telling you I don’t know everything about everything.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shoulders hunched, Mike’s now looking down and despite his bitterness, Harvey’s heart constricts in sympathy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Mike, you want to know how to be a lawyer, I’m your man. You want to know how to deal with love…” Harvey forces an easy chuckle at the word. “That’s not my area.” He’s trying to keep his posture relaxed and his smile easy. “There’s coffee made and a bagel in the fridge. Why don’t you take the morning off? I’ve got the deposition. I’ve got to go.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The day doesn’t get any better. Even if Harvey manages to clear his mind of Mike and his love life drama, he has to deal with a deposition where Tanner is across from him while Scottie sits at his elbow, and that’s not a winning combination. Scottie’s his ex who he’s been sleeping with since Harward and that was what Tanner is probably banking on. Or more precisely, he’s banking on Harvey caring about her. On him getting upset, on Scottie getting upset, whatever gets him the upper hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ms. Scott,” Tanner asks, “isn’t it true that while you were engaged, you came to New York and slept with Harvey Specter in an attempt to get him to tell you that he loved you and he said no?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey tries not to move a muscle but isn't sure he’s succeeding. He certainly can’t be seen looking at Scottie so he doesn't.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You loved him,” Tanner goes on, “he spurned you and you set this whole thing up to get back at him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He’s going after Scottie and Harvey doesn't like it. What Tanner’s insinuating is uncomfortable. And hopefully wrong. Maybe Scottie does still love Harvey or maybe she doesn’t, Harvey has no clue, but Tanner is exploiting the mere idea. Harvey can’t defend her, it will throw the case and Mike might think… He wouldn’t care, but after reading the script, he’d still think that whatever it is, is mutual.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But so what? It would change absolutely nothing. Mike and Rachel are going strong and that’s that. Maybe he should give Scottie and him another chance? She’s amazing and he adores her and she’s the one he could actually have. Maybe be happy with. Maybe in time, he'd grow to love her?</span>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<span>Despite everything, Harvey can’t stay away from Mike. He can’t. So after everyone has already gone home and the bullpen is empty save Mike, Harvey walks right into the cubicle and sits on the desk next to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I heard we won?” Mike asks, not looking at Harvey while reorganizing some files into the folders at his desk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We hit a single. Just kidding. We knocked the son-of-a-bitch out of the park.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey smiles, but Mike’s congratulations sound preoccupied.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey opens his mouth to make another glib comment to bring Mike out of a funk, but Mike beats him to it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are we doing here, Harvey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He turns around and looks at Harvey. Mike’s expression is serious if not bitter and irrationally, Harvey wants to hug him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We spend every minute of our lives in this office,” Mike goes on, “fighting with each other for the meaningless shit for clients we don’t even know. And then, when some real connection comes along, just some — just some little piece of happiness...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike gestures with his hands and claps them together in frustration. He looks away and Harvey has no idea what to tell him. Mike has been happy with Rachel and even though it's been making Harvey miserable, now that Rachel is going away to California, Harvey would do anything— absolutely anything to give her back to Mike.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are quiet for a little while and Mike turns back to his folders, his shoulders still stooped with defeat. Harvey stands up and puts his palm on Mike’s shoulder — that’s a friendly gesture, right? A comforting one?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mike.” He pauses, unsure how to proceed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I love you. Don't be sad.</span>
  </em>
  <span> He pats Mike’s shoulder, and stepping back, finishes, “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He starts walking out of the cubicle, but Mike’s words stop him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you hear what she did?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There's anger in his voice now and Harvey has no idea what Mike is talking about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rachel?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>If Mike is angry at Rachel then—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess not,” Mike mutters, and Harvey’s momentary, selfish — stupid hope dies. “Jessica’s basically forcing her to go to Stanford instead of Columbia,” Mike explains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She found out about you two.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want her to go,” Mike says and his eyes are shining now, causing Harvey’s heartache painfully in his chest. “And there’s nothing I can do about it,” he finishes, looking at Harvey as if waiting, hoping for him to save the situation somehow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Harvey feels just as helpless as Mike.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey aches. Mike's unhappy but still in love and the way he and Rachel are looking at each other feels real. Gut-wrenching jealousy has been Harvey's companion since he first noticed that Mike liked the pretty paralegal, but recently it has turned into dread and despair. Tonight, Harvey is putting a stop to that. Mike is straight. Mike is in love with Rachel and he's planning to make their relationship last. That Mike has even tried asking Harvey advice about keeping himself aloof, tells Harvey all he needs to know about any possibility of Mike reciprocating his feelings. It's hopeless.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stupid thing is that before Mike, Harvey has never seriously contemplated sharing his life with anyone on a permanent basis. It's absolutely unprecedented how Mike Ross walked into his life with a case full of weed and a conman’s readiness to pull one over the whole world, and suddenly, Harvey is ready to commit. It was a long while before he realized what's so entirely commanding his attention but now that he knows it's impossible to miss, to take note and stare like a flummoxed foal. It isn’t admiration of Mike’s mastery over his fraudulent double life, or his brilliance, untangling complex legalities and forcing them into his service as he pleased. No, it's the man himself that Harvey admires for his courage and his decisive heart, and despite his affinity for quick and easy solutions to his personal problems, Mike is empathetic and vicious to defend those who need it the most.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Michael Ross is wonderful, and as hard as Harvey tries telling himself it isn’t true, in the end, he has to admit at least to himself: he's absolutely, irrevocably smitten. And now he needs to move on.</span><br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Harvey invites Scottie to his place for dinner and she comes. He cooks, they eat, they joke. Scottie is glowing and Harvey thinks that maybe, maybe he can have this. Maybe he can learn to love her too. She's a perfect fit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To kicking Traver Tanner’s ass,” Harvey toasts after the food is finished and the wine glasses are topped off again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You got that right,” Scottie answers, smiling charmingly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey has no idea why he never really fell that deep for her. He really is a fool. They clink their glasses together and laugh. Flirt. Then, after a short silence, Scottie looks him in the eye. There's some unnamed expectation in her gaze and he stills.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey,” she says seriously. “Why am I here?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” he tries for levity. “I haven’t cooked anyone dinner in a while and I thought you deserve it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I do,” she replies with a smile, but then, more soberly, adds, “But you made clear that you don’t want anything more and I don’t want to go back to the way it was, so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She finishes on a questioning note and feeling put on the spot, Harvey opens his mouth, hesitates and then states decisively, “I want to work with you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Scottie asks sharply but with humor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Caught.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey gets up and busies himself at the sink.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’ve been associated with Darby’s firm for too long,” he explains. “I can help you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scottie swirls the vine around in her glass.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need your help,” she objects. “I’ll be fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you won’t!” he disagrees. “I want to help. I can and you should let me.” It’s easier to speak about that. It should be enough, she should know how much of a concession this is for him already. “I care about you, you know that. Come to Pearson Specter, Scottie,” he finishes back in his comfort zone, again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> that you care about me,” she replies without missing a beat. “You have made that very clear. But I’m not interested in working with someone day in and day out where all they can manage to say is, ‘I care about you’ Not when—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bristling, Harvey jumps in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that all I’ve ever said?” he demands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He must have— surely there's been— </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually, yes. Over and over again: ‘I care about you’. Just what every girl wants to hear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She looks straight at him, demanding an answer, her eyes shining with the conviction that she's right and that this is it, that Harvey isn’t going to go open up, offer more. Harvey can’t leave it like that. He knows what love is, and in his own way, he does love Scottie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scottie, that’s no—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no,” she stops him. “No.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shakes her head and Harvey grits his teeth in frustration. Is that it? Is he never going to be able to take the next step? Not even with Scottie? She's </span>
  <em>
    <span>perfect</span>
  </em>
  <span> for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If all you want to do is work with me,” she says after a minute, “I can find a job somewhere else.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s the best I—” he blurts but cuts himself off.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows it isn’t enough, he does. And yet, he seems to be unable to take that last step, to offer her more. Scottie deserves it, and he hates himself for being so indecisive. If Mike doesn’t want it, so why not try it with Scottie? He should—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, I should just go,” she says, quickly gathering her things and walking past him towards the front door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey’s insides tremble at the sight; he needs to do better. To be better.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Scottie,” he calls out, “that’s not all I want!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In desperation, he takes her by the arm and she stops. Turns to look at him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Brave. She's so, so brave — Harvey can’t fail her. He gathers himself, takes a deep breath, and says, “I want you in my life.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And thank god that for now, that is enough.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>It isn’t enough for him but it’s better than nothing. Scottie is great and for a while, the relationship works. She’s not what his stupid heart truly desires though. It still picks up speed any time he sees Mike or someone even mentions him. Unsurprisingly, pining turns out not to be healthy for him nor his relationship with Scottie. Especially since the time and time again, he chooses Mike’s interests over his girlfriend’s, and ends up telling her ‘I can’t tell you’ every time she senses that there is a secret that means more to him than any professional consideration. Too many times. Harvey suspects that Scottie sees through him the same way that Donna, Jessica, and god knew who else has: that Harvey was utterly besotted with Mike Ross.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Scottie and Harvey break up and Rachel and Mike don’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey gets drunk.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey, I’m stuck!” Mike bursts out. “I can’t live my whole life like this!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yes. The glass ceiling: due to him not actually having gone to Harvard, any exposure, a promotion, or being a first seat in a public court case, would draw too much attention. Mike can never go anywhere except to some small forgotten town in Iowa where no one knows him and where nothing big will ever happen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike doesn’t even give that option a thought, he’s a big idea man, Harvey knows that. He isn’t going to replace being a soldier defending a mountain range with being a king of some unnamed hill.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just a few weeks later, it doesn’t matter where Mike practices law. They are in trouble.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You need to call Lola Jensen,” Harvey insists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Department of Justice is asking questions and soon they will be arresting Mike and that’s going to be it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike is having none of it. “You said it yourself — hacking into the bar is twice the crime I’ve been committing by practicing law without the degree!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have a point,” Harvey replies, “but if the DoJ is onto you because of the shady settlement we orchestrated with Harold for the Hessington Oil, then it’s better to have your name there than not, don’t you agree?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike wants to quit. He doesn’t, but he wants to and that’s what’s eating Harvey up.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The morning starts just as always, with a pretty brunette in his bed and him coming in late to work. He has a meeting and is just cleaning up his paperwork when Donna bursts into his office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey, my friend from the US attorney office just called.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her eyes are big on her face and her whole posture radiates alarm. Harvey’s legs straighten, his hands ball into fists, and battle-ready, he stands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She said they’d just brought in Mike for questioning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>During the whole drive to the Department of Justice building, he’s fighting nausea and trying to stay calm. They have to be investigating him for fraud, they have to be. How did they find out? Who told them?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Game face on, game face on, he reminds himself as he gets off the elevator.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey Specter, I represent Mike ross,” he throws the receptionist on his way past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir, you can’t go back there,” she yells at his back. “Sir!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He knows his way around the building and is banging on the interrogation room in half a minute.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey there,” Harvey says jauntily to an older man’s face who opens the door. “Are you charging him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike is sitting at the desk deep into the room, his head coming up with a jerk form surprise.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… not at the moment,” the man says, sounding unconcerned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then he’s coming with me and you had no right to bring him in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They step out of the room, the door closes on the image of Mike still sitting there and Harvey’s gut churns.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had every right to bring him in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We were just having a friendly conversation about the witnesses who suddenly fell out of the Ava Hessington case.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A pang goes through Harvey’s body as he realizes that Mike’s secret is safe, that he is safe. In relief, Harvey’s mouth opens, and by the time he’s talking, he’s already realized that this is just as serious. Bribing witnesses is a crime, and even though they technically didn’t do it, it can still be argued.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harold is brought in and now it’s just a matter of time until he talks. They have to make sure that he doesn’t: if he doesn’t talk and Mike doesn’t talk, then the DA has no case.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You do know what is going to happen next, right?” the man says, “We bring your Harold in and he’ll point his finger at Mike, who’ll then have no choice but to bring it right home to you, Harvey.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So that’s what they want: Harvey. That’s what it boils down to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, about this, Harvey,” is the first thing Mike says as they get out of the building.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s Harvey’s fault that Mike is here in the first place, but he doesn’t say it. “Could be worse.” He shrugs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You thought they had me for being a fraud?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What else would he have thought? Harvey glances at him. “Well, I didn’t think they had you for overdue library books.” They stop at the curb. “Why did you go with them anyway? Didn’t your grandmother ever teach you to not get into cars with strangers?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was being co-operative.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jesus.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, don’t do that again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m gonna talk to Harold,” Mike says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not a chance.” Harvey steps in front of him to convey how dead serious he is.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey, they haven’t brought him in yet. All I need is five minutes—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To tell him to stick to your story? That’s exactly why they haven’t brought him in yet,” he insists, “You talk to Harold now, they’ll be watching, and we are done!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If we don’t talk to him first,” Mike disagrees, “then we’re in deep shit.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then we’ll have to talk to him without talking to him.”</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>They tentatively agree on strategy but don’t get very far with the details. A DoJ lackey interrupts them with coming to the office and getting in Harvey’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better look over your shoulder every day for the rest of your natural-born life,” the man threatens, and even though Harvey has already been walking away, he stops, turns around, and with a whoosh in his ears, steps closer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you say?” His voice gets quiet as he stares at the dark-skinned man’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You heard me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One more stop and Harvey shoves him. The man shoves back and it’s a struggle not to deck him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen to me, you son-of-a-bitch,” Harvey presses out, “you pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot my guy, and I don’t care that you were aiming at me, because the gun went off and someone else got into the crossfire. If you don't back off, I will break every bone in your body. Is that clear?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It probably isn’t a wise thing to do to blow up like this but the guy leaves just the same. And when Harvey turns, he sees Donna staring at him with that tragic expression on her face. Yes, Harvey’s lost it, what else is new? He strides past her station and into his office.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Donna, I know you saw what happened in the lobby, I don’t want to hear it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey, I can’t find Mike.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Stomach swooping, Harvey freezes. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve tried his email, I’ve tried texting… He’s not picking up his phone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Louis, not now,” Harvey throws at his colleague who’s come up to the station.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t find him anywhere,” Donna goes on hastily as if this is new information that she has to deliver no matter what.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, now, Harvey,” Louis interjects just as quickly. “I know where he is. He’s under arrest along with Harold Gunderson.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The bottom drops out from under him.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p><span>This car ride is even more</span> <span>gut-churning than the previous one.</span></p><p>
  <span>“Harold is afraid of you,” Harvey explains to Louis. “He thinks of you as the meanest baddest lawyer out there. So when he realizes that you are in his corner he’ll do exactly what we want and they both walk."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Louis nods. He’s always been sharp to see the best course of action and decisive in implementing it. So that’s the plan: Louis stops Harlod from talking and Harvey stalls for time. It might take hours, but they will walk out of there free men. All of them. Harvey mentally nods to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Less than twenty minutes later they have arrived and Harvey steps into the interrogation room where Mike’s been waiting for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you wanted some me time, all you had to do was ask,” Havey quips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You better have some good news for me,” Mike replies in a biting tone, but his demeanor is still relieved as if he knew that Harvey could fix it. “Otherwise,” he goes on, “I’m gonna be having plenty of me time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” It won’t come to that, Harvey promises to himself. Mike’s trust in him can’t be misplaced. It can’t. “Right now,” he says, “the only thing we can do is wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wait? Wait for what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“For Louis to keep Harold from talking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They wait. For a while they just sit and stare at the wall, then Mike turns to Harvey.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to talk about my defense strategy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks determined and fierce: not at all as if his life is at stake. But it is war, and Mike isn’t acting as if he’s cowering in trenches, he looks like a man going on offensive with nothing to lose. Dummy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey’s heart soars.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sitting and waiting is your defense strategy,” he replies. “If this doesn’t work, you’re going to want to talk to a different lawyer than me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because then, Harvey was going to be the one under direct fire, but he’d take it gladly if only Mike could walk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey,” Mike starts as if preparing for a rant but then sighs. “I don’t care about what Harold gives them on me.” He swipes with his hand in the air as if wiping a surface off the unimportant debris. “I’m not giving them you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling his heart literally squeeze, Harvey stares at Mike, exasperated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mike,” he says seriously. “I want to tell you a story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to hear a story,” Mike says brattily.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey wants to punch him but swallows it and continues, “It’s about the time I decided to tell dad about my mom. You remember what I told you about her?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was twenty, out of the house, and I’d told her I would never tell him as long as she never brought her lovers home.” It is still painful to think about it but he has to get Mike to understand, and this story is going to help. “I came home to do laundry one day and I heard—” he falters. Mike looks uncomfortable, but he’s also sympathetic and Harvey can go on. “I heard. And then I saw, and I told him that night.” He pauses before pressing on his point. “Because sometimes it’s better to tell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Agitated, Mike is silent for a moment, then says resolutely, “She deserved that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So do I,” Harvey states a fact but Mike explodes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This whole thing was my idea!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I gave the go-ahead. I’m the one they want, Mike.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, he’s not getting you—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he is—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! I don't’ care what happens in the room,” Mike almost yells, “I’m not giving you up!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don't’ be a fool!” Harvey shouts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be an asshole!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Listen to me, god damn it!” Harvey jumps up. “I’m giving you permission—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t give a shit what you’re giving me!” Mike is up now too, shaking his fists in anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey grabs a chair and swings it at the camera fixed into the corner of the room. The thing comes off its base, and its red light out, remains hanging onto one thin wire.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hired a fraud,” Harvey declares at a startled Mike who has taken a step back, gaping. “And then we crossed the line with Clifford Danner,” he goes on, trying to control his voice but the tone rising with every word, “then with Lola Jensen, and then with these witnesses who we sent back home without letting them testify, and to top it all off, we suborned perjury with Edward Darby!” He glares at Mike, and taking an even breath, continues more calmly, “If it comes to it, you point at me! You got that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike doesn’t get that — Harvey can see it in his face, in his eyes, posture — but then the door opens and Louis comes in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s over,” he says, his demeanor measured but Harvey knows what triumph looks on Louis.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey’s legs nearly gave out with relief.</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>A lot later when they are both supposed to be gone from the office, Mike and he are sitting in Harvey’s office with glasses of scotch in their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I was never going to roll on you,” Mike says.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey suppresses a sigh. “You should.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Maybe,” Mike allows. “But I couldn’t. Especially not when you so eloquently ‘gave me permission’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike takes a gulp from his glass, and the expression on his face is fine, it is fine — appreciative even but... But no idea why, Harvey feels that Mike is faking it. Just like he is faking it when he is being social on a big event with lots of lawyers around. He’s good. Harvey knows that Mike belongs there, screw the reality of school (in)attendance, but Mike doesn’t. Not really. And this is the same face — he drinks scotch as if it’s a status symbol meant to be enjoyed for the idea of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Mike says, “I don’t think I deserve you, honestly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Harvey snorts with surprise. “You don’t,” he jokes. “You’re the anchor around my neck, frankly.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike doesn’t laugh. “No, I’m being serious right now, Harvey. Why?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey frowns. “Why what?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why did you tell me permission to sink you?” Absently, Mike takes another sip. It’s for the alcohol, Harvey is sure now. “I get it that if I really wanted to, you couldn’t have stopped me but why make it easy on me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey sighs. “Why indeed?” He’s too tired to lie about it, but nowhere near drunk enough to just come out and say it. “You don’t know? I think everyone in the office knows by now, Mike.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone knows what?” Mike tilts his head, looking put on alert.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Shit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey shakes his head. There’s no point in telling him. Nothing good can ever come of it — Mike is still with Rachel, but then again, what will it hurt? It wasn’t as if he’d leave Rachel, and he’s going to quit the firm anyway. He takes a large gulp to fortify himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He looks out of the dark window where he could only see the distorted mirror images of himself and Mike, in the room that has been his throne room and his cave to lick the wounds. Now it’s going to be his confessionary. His purgatory, and maybe even a torture chamber.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone knows how I feel about you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike jerks back as if stung. “What do you </span>
  <em>
    <span>mean</span>
  </em>
  <span> how you feel about me? How do you feel…?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey raises his eyes to Mike’s. His lips quirk into a tired smirk and he salutes with his glass. He waits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike’s frown slowly smooths out into a slow comprehension, then astonishment. His eyes go round and his jaw slack.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey?” he repeats as if he needs confirmation which at this point is ridiculous.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey brakes the gaze, drinks. His glass is empty. “Well, now you know,” he says, standing up. “See you tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There’s a beat of silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s it?” Mike sounds incredulous. “That’s where you're going to leave it? You’re not even going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>tell</span>
  </em>
  <span> me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey’s heart constricts. So that’s what Mike’s going with? He needs the words? Why? What’s the point...?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s there to tell?” Harvey turns around and looks Mike up and down, trying to memorize every little detail of this night when the pretense is finally over and every pathetic dreg of hope is eradicated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What is there… What is there to tell?” Mike raises his arms and lets them fall back to his sides in frustration. “Is that what happened to you and Scottie? No wonder she dumped you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Feeling his face harden, Harvey smirks. “You giving me advice now? </span>
  <em>
    <span>You?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Who let Rachel chase you for months before you finally gave her the time of the day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As intended, Mike puffs up angrily. “You son-of-a-bitch! You have </span>
  <em>
    <span>no</span>
  </em>
  <span> idea—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. Nor do I want to.” Harvey turns back towards the dark window. “Get out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re an idiot,” Mike barks.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In a few steps he’s behind Harvey and his hands are grabbing at Harvey’s shoulders, turning him around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harvey opens his mouth to yell at Mike, but Mike’s eyes are burning desperately, his mouth is set into a hard line, and this is not anger.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Harvey,” Mike says, his voice laden with intensity. “If you want me to break it off with Rachel, you’ve gotta say it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike is staring at him expectantly, holding his breath and Harvey can clearly see that his eyes are wide with hope.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Oh god.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” Harvey’s throat is working silently, there’s no breath to get the words out, and what words? What can Harvey even say? What— “I love you,” he blurts all three, his voice breaking throughout.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>For a split second nothing happens and Harvey’s gut is dropping and there’s the terrible void he knew would open up under him if he ever said those stupid words and—</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike smiles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“See?” he says gently. “Not that difficult, was it?” His smile widens, turns crooked. “I gotta go. Need to talk to Rachel. If all goes well, I will kiss you tomorrow. Deal?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breath hitching, Harvey nods. “Deal.”</span>
</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope you liked. :)<br/>Comments are love! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>